half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog

Breaking The Curse

They haunt me. When I run from them, I know they’re always behind me. When I go to sleep at night, they stalk my dreams. They’re always there, haunting, taunting, following me. I try to rid myself of them, but they always foil my intricate plans.

They are the faceless demon in the night. They are my curse. They are four skeins of red Cascade 220 and two skeins of black Cascade 220 AND I HATE THEM WITH MY VERY SOUL.

I tried to turn them into a sweater.


Okay, we won’t speak of that sweater. But, strike one.

Then I tried to turn them into a better sweater.


Strike two. It doesn’t fit. And it looks weird. And I died of boredom while trying to knit a sleeve. In fact, I’m blogging this from beyond the grave. In the afterlife, you can only get dial-up internet. Boy does it suck.

Then there was my next “bright” “idea”.


Yeah, I didn’t even get to cast on for this one before the yarn said “nope, nuh-uh, not going to happen”. After I rewrote the pattern to suit it. You couldn’t have told me that sooner, yarn? Of course you couldn’t. You are the devil. Strike three.

But I’m determined to break the curse, and turn this yarn into a sweater. It’s just yarn! I can conquer it! So I got out the sketchbook and started drawing red-and-black sweaters.

Some that I quite liked, but don’t really feel like knitting:


Some that I, well, imagine that cat macro that says DO NOT WANT:


But eventually I settled on one. I wanted something a little weird looking, something that I hadn’t seen before, and I am on a big asymmetry kick lately so this is what I came up with:


I… think I like it. The diamond pattern was originally “scribbled cross-hatching across the front left panel to represent some sort of pattern”, which looked like diamonds and then I decided I wanted actual diamonds. And then wasted a whole bunch of time swatching cabled and twisted-stitch diamonds only to decide to just do ’em in purls.

I still haven’t frogged the last incarnation of the demon yarn, but that turned out to be a good thing, because I could try it on and make note of all the places where it didn’t fit right, and tweak the measurements accordingly.

(Places where it didn’t fit right = ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE PLACES.)

So if this latest attempt turns out well, I’ll write up a pattern for it, which will be awesome because I’d like another garment pattern up there besides Maddy. And if I write up a pattern, it shall be called the Cursebreaker sweater. BECAUSE I WILL BREAK THIS CURSE. YOU HEAR THAT, YARN?

And on that note, I’ve been thinking that I ought to set up a proper pattern site. I am liking this designing thing and I think soon I’ll be good enough that I can actually sell some patterns. But Half-Assed Patterns as a name simply will not do. And yet, I’d like a name that’s still in the spirit of my demented sense of humour. I thought that perhaps I could find a fancy schmancy name that is somehow related to halves and/or asses.

And decided to start by looking up the scientific name for “donkey”, because, hey, that could be something. Guess what it is?

Equus asinus.

That’s just great. Not only does it still contain as(s), but it also sort of looks like “anus”. Oh yes, that’s the association I want. I can see it now:

“Ass ‘N’ Anus Design Studio – your bottom line for design!”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go bang my head against my desk for a while.


  1. marianne says:

    I actually appreciate where you’ve been and where you’re going with this devil yarn… ahem… dial up from beyond the grave…no, wait…does that mean? does that mean you’re posting from coughcouhellgh? oh nooooooooooooooooooo.
    because certainly… ‘anywhere’ else and surely you’d get beyond the highest speed hook up, right?

    never mind.
    I’d definitely buy a design with that name :^)

  2. Meghan says:

    I have a good feeling about your asymmetric design (hm, almost wrote assymmetric…perhaps a good name for the sweater?) I think it might have an updated mod look. Can’t wait to see how it turns out!

  3. becca says:

    Oh My God. I would pay for Ass n Anus patterns.
    Maybe. Possibly. Prossibly?
    And, I have to say, I really really like that first drawing of red-and-black sweater, I think it looks really pretty. But the asymmetric one is very interesting, and I’ve not seen anything quite like it, though it does kind of give me a Star Trek uniform vibe. But I watch too much Star Trek. But are you really going to leave that slit open in the front? Cause I can see a lot of ways that might end up annoying, fashionably speaking.
    But hey…..fourth time’s the charm right?

  4. Lindsey says:

    lmfao. I read this to John and we both laughed so hard it hurt.

    So yeah, do you think you’ll need a test knitter?


  5. Glenna says:

    I am full of admiration for your multiple yarn attempts. And hey, at least it holds up after all the frogging! I like your sketch for the new one.

  6. lisa says:

    All the sweaters look great. I look forward to seeing your journey of breaking the curse!!!!

  7. jamie says:

    I LOVE Ass n’ Anus designs!! It would look fabulous on t-shirts. ;)

  8. amanda says:

    I really like that last design – go for it!!

  9. monkeyspinner says:

    Saw you on raverly nice cuss word. I wish my yarn would haunt my nightmares, I might get more done.

  10. MonkeyGurrl says:

    I know I’m going to hell for this, but the sweater in it’s last incarnation was, well, cute. Sucks that it didn’t fit, but perhaps you could donate it to some (un)deserving soul? No? Well, it was worth a try. :) I like your sketches, too. And I would totally purchase a half-assed pattern, since, as it turns out, I’m a half-assed knitter.

  11. Sophie says:

    I do love your sketch and the last one really rocks ! Keep moving with that idea and I’m with in mind in front of the curse and you will break it !!! :)

  12. Lindsay says:

    I’ll definitely be coming back to check for the pattern of the asymmetrical sweater.