half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
May, 2007


Current state of Fake-astanje Cardigan 1.0:


RIP, sweet little ugly sweater.

Current state of Fake-astanje Cardigan 2.0:


I have always been suspicious of those people who can knit a sweater in, like, two weeks, but now I fear that I may be becoming one of them. Hold me.

First sweater… OF DOOM!

Well, Lelah’s done, I’m procrastinating on sewing buttons on the mohair thing, and I’m still apprehensive about casting on for the Silk Something, so I think that means it’s time to deal with this… thing.


That would be Attempt #1 of the Fake-astanje Cardigan, sans sleeves, which will soon be frogged. It’s too big and it’s too busy and I don’t like it. Plus, I increased too much for the hips, such that it looks like I’m wearing an umbrella. I don’t care for umbrella-shaped clothing.

For my first sweater attempt ever, it’s not bad, especially since I didn’t follow a pattern, but… eh. To the frog pond it goes.

The stitch pattern is kind of pretty.


It’s just… too much. I like simple, clean lines, to the point of boring. If I’m going to add texture to a garment, I don’t want it everywhere.

The good thing about this froggy fiasco is that I now have a much better idea of what I want this sweater to look like. Since I started it and then put it aside, I’ve knit Rusted Root and the mohair thing, and so I have a much better sense of how to make a top-down raglan look right. Plus, the details. Instead of just “red textured top half, black lace bottom half”, I know what kind of raglan increases I want, where I want purl ridges, what bits I want to knit on smaller needles, exactly what I want the collar and button-less button bands to look like… you get the idea. I’m going with a plain stockinette red part, and I think a modified Half-opened Seeds pattern for the black part.

Wow, I think I bored myself writing that. Knitting nerdity!

I knit the collar a few days ago. I based it on the collar from Forecast.


For some reason I am in love with that collar. I keep petting it. I think I need help. You know what else I keep petting? The freaking Fun Fur. Yeah, I know.

Now I’m pretty far into the yoke, but I haven’t taken more pictures yet. Hey, who starts knitting a wool sweater when it’s practically June? What is wrong with me?

FO: Soul-Eating Lelah



It’s done, it’s done, it’s fucking DONE. And it fits, and it’s adorable, and now I’m going to take a very long nap.

Pattern: Lelah
Size: I sort of followed the Large instructions, but my gauge was way tighter so it’s more like a Small
Yarn: Rowan Calmer in 469 (I dunno, that’s what the ball band says), every last bit of 3 skeins
Needles: size 7

As you may know, Lelah ate my soul.
See this entry.
And this one.
Aaaand this one.

Why? I don’t know. I will offer this word of advice: if you look at the pattern, it gives instructions for a medium and a large, and also instructions on how to measure yourself and create your own size. Use the latter instructions. Decide how big you want the bottom to be, and how big you want the top to be, and check your gauge, and then the pattern tells you where to decrease and blah blah blah. I think doing that will save your soul from being devoured.


Anyway, my main mods were messing around with gauge (GRAAAAH!), and not decreasing for the top part because I didn’t want it to stretch too much and go see-through. My only other mod was adding an extra few repeats of the lace pattern to make it a bit longer. So this is the closest I’ve come to actually following a pattern in quite some time.

Hey, and I think I figured out what causes the weird back-wrinkle. It’s something to do with my strapless bra, because it wasn’t wrinkling nearly as much with a regular bra. It figures.


Strapless bras are the devil, folks.

I’m very, very glad it’s done, and it really is a damn cute top, and surprisingly wearable, given that I don’t really have a tube top body. So now that the ordeal is over, I will stop whining, and be happy that I have a lovely FO.

Okay, okay, I will stop whining about this particular project. I mean, let’s be realistic.

Shopping Trip

The good…


Ribbon for the soul-eating Lelah and buttons for the mohair monstrosity. Soon I’ll have some new FOs, hurrah!

The bad…


What am I going to do with a spool of pink ribbon that I totally don’t need? Hell if I know. I just thought it was pretty, so I bought it, because I suck. Whatever, it cost 59 cents.

Aaaaand the ugly…

Hang on, you might want to brace yourself for this. It’s a little frightening. I mean it. Scroll further at your own risk.


Oh yes. That is Fun Fur. It’s not even real Fun Fur, it’s cheap imitation Fun Fur. And I purchased it. Willingly. It was in the clearance bin for only 99 cents a ball, but it’s still Fun Fur.

I swear there is a reason for this purchase, and I have not gone mad. You’ll see.

Knitting Knerdity

I just had the nerdiest knitting idea ever. Nerdier than the Binary Scarf. Somewhat inspired by the Binary Scarf, actually. (How great is that scarf? I so need to knit one. NEEEEEEEEERRRRD!)

We’ll see if I get around to actually knitting it… and writing up a program to generate charts for knitting its variations.

(Are you curious now?)

Seven Random Facts

Apparently I have been tagged by V for the 7 Random Facts meme. So I will deviate from knitting content for once, and obediently give this a shot.

The rules: Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged need to write on their own blog those 7 facts as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven other people and list their names on your blog. Then you leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog.

7 Random Facts:

1. I growl at anybody who tries to talk to me before I’ve had my morning coffee. I mean a literal growling noise. GRAAAAAAAH.

2. My Blogger account was created in March of 2000. Before Blogger was connected to Google, your profile URL had your account number. Most of the knitting blogs I came across had 8-digit account numbers; mine was a 4-digit number. I miss my 4-digit-account-number bragging rights. Because I am a nerd.

3. My closet looks something like this:


It’s a little emptier than usual in that pic, but when full, the colour scheme stays the same. I only wear colours on the warm side of the colour wheel, especially red and coral. I don’t do it on purpose, those are just the colours I’m drawn to. I knit in those same colours, too. Red, red, red, pink, red, orange, red, red, black, red, baked beans, and red.

4. I have one of these in my bedroom. It’s from Ikea, and it is creepy and awesome. (Here is another picture, where you can see the way it sticks its tongue out like it wants to eat you.)

5. I love puzzles. Not puzzles of the jigsaw variety, or crosswords and sudokus in the newspaper (though I like all those too), but the more unstructured kind where you’re given pictures or words or instructions or some mess of information, and have to extract a one-word answer. I participated in the MIT Mystery Hunt this year (as a remote/internet solver, since I don’t live in the area) and I was in HEAVEN.

6. I have quite the potty mouth. I tone it down a lot for blogging, but in person (only in appropriate settings of course), I am all fuck fuck shit fuckety fuck fuckballs. It’s as natural as breathing!

7. I know everything about The Simpsons, can hold entire conversations in Simpsons quotes, and can (and do) come up with a Simpsons reference for any occasion. (Yep, I’m one of those.) Including knitting:

Who needs a swift when you have a Maggie?

So there we go. I’m not tagging anyone because I think I’m the only one in blogland who hadn’t already done this meme. (So, um… if you’re reading this and haven’t done it, consider yourself tagged.) Plus, I’m new enough to knitting blogs that I don’t have any blog buddies to tag yet. So sad… *sniff*

Hey, but you know what isn’t sad? I FINALLY GOT MY RAVELRY INVITE!!!

Tentatively reclaiming my soul…

I decided to finish the soul-eating Lelah and see what happened.

Fresh off the needles…


It… really isn’t too big! It totally fits! If it doesn’t grow during blocking, and if I don’t lose too much boob-coverage after installing the elastic, I’m home free!

Notice the weird back-wrinkle?


Seriously, what IS that? How does it… I… don’t understand. Whatever. WhatEVER. Blocking will fix it. Blocking fixes everything. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

The other day I went looking for some elastic for it, and some buttons for the mohair monstrosity, and could not find either. Even the stores are against me! So they’ll both be sitting in the almost-but-not-quite-finished pile for awhile, and on my Current Projects sidebar, taunting me. Oh, Lelah. Oh, cursed mohair. Why won’t you let me LIVE?

Mystery Swatch 2: Electric Boogaloo


I like this one much better than the first one.

Now I just have to work up the nerve to start playing with this:


I’m afraid to touch it! If I touch it, I’ll ruin it! Mmm, silk…




I know it’s going to shed on me as soon as I attempt to wear it. I know this. Just let me have this moment.

The mohair that ate New York (or just shed on it a lot)


A few months ago, I was innocently wandering through Romni, looking for yarn to make the soul-eating Lelah. Suddenly, a skein of Fleece Artist Country Mohair jumped at me, a menacing look in its imaginary eyes. “BUY ME,” it said, “OR ELSE.” Or else what? Silly yarn, you can’t hurt me. But I had to admit that it was beautiful. The colours! The sheen! The adorable fuzzy halo! The strange but intriguing heaviness! The fact that it was made out of goats! I like goats. They’re neat. So I bought it.

Eventually I came to the sad realization that there is very little one can do with 200 metres of heavy worsted 100% mohair. I glared at it, and it retaliated by shedding on me. And on the Calmer I bought for the soul-eating Lelah. And on me again. And then, it shed some more.

I tried to turn it into a Cloud Bolero. “HA HA HA,” said the mohair. “NICE TRY. I DON’T THINK SO. FROG ME NOW.” Then it shed on me just a little bit more.

I’ll get you, mohair.

Right now I’m trying to turn it into a very, very, very modified Buttony Sweater. Obviously 200 metres won’t make a sweater, so it’s going to be a short-sleeved minisweater. With ribbed sleeves. (Why? I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea at the time.) That sheds a lot.

Here it is yesterday, a charming pile of constantly-shedding mohair barf:


Today I split off the sleeves, and so it is a vaguely sweater-top-shaped pile of mohair barf. I am cautiously optimistic; so far it isn’t sending out “FROG ME NOW” signals. I am covered in mohair, though. Because it sheds. Did I mention the shedding?