half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog

A Tale of Two Boobies

Because I am not particularly well-endowed in the boobage department, I don’t have many garments that scream “HAY TITS!” I mean, my girls are just not conducive to that sort of thing. But one garment that does scream exactly that is my good old soul-eating Lelah.

I wore it today to go bra shopping, as it’s the sort of top that really highlights whether or not a bra is fulfilling its boob-trapping duty. Because of my aforementioned itty bitty titty club membership, I mostly wear sports bras, and have no real bras except for one poor, overworked black strapless. La Senza was having a sale, so off I went.

Since I keep wanting to knit things like Lelah and Coachella, I was on the lookout for strapless bras and halter bras and all those fancy torture device type things. I grabbed a handful of 34Bs and 34As and a few outliers just to be adventurous, a 32B, a 34C, and hit the changerooms.

Of course hardly anything fit. This was not surprising. Bras never fit me properly. What did surprise me was that the one bra that more or less fit was… the 34C. Er. Wait, what?

I got one of the saleswomen to measure me.

Her: Hmm… you’re in-between band sizes.
Me: Of course I am.
Her: You should be… a 32.
Me: I tried a 32 and I couldn’t even get into it.
Her: Yeah, well you’re probably (blah blah something squeeze something I don’t understand). So, 34 then. And let’s see…
*measuring tape around boobs*
Her: Well, you’re measuring as a D…
Her: Yeah, okay, I think you should try a 34C.

So there it is. Confirmed. I trudged back to the bins of bras and started acquainting myself with this scary, unfamiliar territory – the C-cup bin.

I used to believe that every woman in the world was a 34B, because that would explain why every store is always sold out of 34Bs. But now I know. Every woman in the world is a 34C. And I loathe all of you. Give me back my bras!

I found the last nude clear-strapped convertible 34C in the store. Not exaggerating. It was buried in a bin instead of hanging on the wall with the others. It was missing a strap and inserts, which a saleswomen kindly stole from a 36B for me. You’ve really got to scavenge for those 34Cs. I also scored a convertible racerback bra and a regular push-up.

All three bras yell “HAY TITS”, and quite loudly too. I may as well enjoy my newfound C-cups, at least until I go to a proper bra shop and they declare me a 36A and scoff at how mucky La Senza’s sizing is.

Now, all of this is tangentially related to knitting because I’m seeking out bras for my deliciously skanky knits and all, but here is some real knitting content:


Fifi has been started! That pic was from a couple of days ago; it’s now sitting on scrap yarn to see if it’s the right size for splitting off the sleeves, and also so that I could yoink the 24″ circ cord to start Coachella. I am loving the pattern, and of course the delicious Rowan Calmer. It looks crazy complex, but it’s so easy! Assuming that the pattern doesn’t suddenly become unintelligible, I highly recommend it.

Hooray for knits that do not make me want to stab things (ahem, Maddy-silk-thing-whatever, I am talking to you).

And no, Fifi is not supposed to have a ribbon ’round its neck. But I put one there. Because I can.


  1. Webbo says:

    I can feel my fingers itching to add Fifi to the Ravelry queue. It looks extremely pretty. By the way, now you’ve got a better-fitting bra, you may find that your girls are a bit more attention-seeking: a well-supported cleavage is a thing to wonder at.

  2. amanda says:

    I think the ribbon is fabulous. Great mod!

  3. Nikki says:

    34C? Growing boobs? Yep, I hate you. I kinda knew it all along, what with the wit and the knitting and the fabulousness, but now it has been confirmed.

    You can measure yourself to know your size, you know. You can follow these directions, modeled by this beautiful full-breasted woman who I also hate:

    Or this way, modeled by this equally hateful woman:

    According to the second of these tests, I am an AA and according to the first I actually have no cup size. Great, I have no breasts. I hate you.