half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog

The long stockinette nightmare is (almost) over!

I really do barf on stockinette a lot in this blog. It’s just that it’s… not very interesting. Hullo, I’m Captain Obvious, nice to meet you.

But anyway…


I’ve gotten a little farther since that picture was taken, and just started the waist decreases. And when those are done, it means I get to start the interesting bit! You can sort of see it in the sketch:


The darker bits are the lace panels. Three of them; I don’t think I’m going to put one in the back. Or maybe I will. I do change my mind often about these things. The important thing is that they’re not stockinette. Well, there are stockinette triangles in there, but that’s all right. A little bit of stockinette is a pleasant break, a lot of stockinette is mind-numbingly, eye-stabbingly boring.

I need a name for this damn top. Everybody makes up cute names for their original designs, and I am not good with the cute names. The Silk Thing That Cost Too Damn Much And Will Probably Stretch Out Of Shape After Two Wears But Fuck It, I Don’t Care is much too long, and not very catchy, and not at all cute.

On a “screw you, stockinette” note, I’m all ready for my next project.


That’s Fifi, by French Girl. I nominated it for the next Sexy Knitters Club KAL and it looks like it’s going to get picked, so hurrah, I’ll have other people to knit it with. Look at all those delicious cables and ribby things and other bits that are definitely not plain stockinette. Weeee!

I am not a designer.

I has a bucket yoke!


Now the Silk Something (which really needs a name) is stuffed in a ziploc* in my yarn bin, while I decide whether to add short rows for the bust. I would think that my Itty Bitty Titties don’t need bust darts, but since everything I make seems to wrinkle up in the back, I’m wondering if boobie stretch is causing that.

* By “stuffed in a ziploc”, I mean “placed gently in a ziploc with the greatest of care, because otherwise the yarn gods will smite me for mistreating Fucking Expensive Silk”.

So I’ve tried to write up bits and pieces of a pattern for it, and for the Fake-astanje Cardigan, and for the Monster Hat, and I have run into a problem. And that problem is…

… I never remember what the hell I did, and I rarely write down what the hell I did, and a big chunk of what I do consists of “knit until it looks about right, then stop”. This approach to designing does not translate well to written patterns. I actually wrote up the following in my draft of the Fake-astanje Cardigan pattern:

Repeat rows 19 and 20 until body is slightly too small and sleeves just barely meet under arms if you stretch them a bit. (Now these are some sketchy directions. But if you go any further it’ll be too big.)

Would you want to follow a pattern that essentially says “knit until the garment totally doesn’t fit you, but almost does”?

I have to start writing things up as I knit them. I’ve already forgotten most of what I did on the Silk Something. Luckily I took a few notes. Unluckily, they are mostly nonsensical numbers scribbled on the back of a printout of instructions for English Mesh Lace. Even more unluckily, I also scribbled notes for the Fake-astanje Cardigan on that printout, and I’m not sure which notes belong to what project.

Now I have to go knit a monster out of Fun Fur. This time I will write down what I do, in case anybody wants to knit a monster out of Fun Fur. By the way, if you want to knit a monster out of Fun Fur, it may help to be certifiably insane. I am apprehensive about this endeavour…


Mystery swatch revealed!

Remember this?


Well, now there’s this.


I finally forced myself to stop overthinking every little detail and just cast on already. It’s my first design – not counting silly drop-stitch scarves and improvised hats and other little things that don’t require any sort of planning, or frankenpatterns made by sticking elements of three different patterns together – and I’m using delicious 100% silk, and if it doesn’t turn out right I’m going to throw a fit. Luckily, I will almost certainly blog said fit, and you can point and laugh. Hooray!

Mystery Swatch 2: Electric Boogaloo


I like this one much better than the first one.

Now I just have to work up the nerve to start playing with this:


I’m afraid to touch it! If I touch it, I’ll ruin it! Mmm, silk…

I has a swatch (but not a bucket)

What’s this?


Well, it’s a teeny little swatch, that’s what. But what’s so special about it?

Is it the yarn?

No, that’s just some leftover cheapass cotton/nylon from the creepy headwrap with eyes. I picked it because I wanted something DK weight without much elasticity.

Is it the pattern?

No, it’s not from any pattern that I’ve ever heard of. It’s just a little ribbing, and a little lace, and a strange-but-on-purpose ridge, and some stockinette. Kinda pretty, but nothing that interesting, right?

Is it the amazing mad knitting skillz?


So, what’s so special about it?

Well, there’s absolutely nothing special about it as far as anyone can tell. Nothing special at all. Right…?

(Dun dun DUN.)