half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog

Nipples, Nerds, & Neverending Needlecraft Narratives

I have successfully de-nippled the hatboob.

But, of course, OF COURSE, there’s a new problem.

Exhibit A: a completed hatboob, pre-blocking.


Exhibit B: a completed hatboob, post-blocking.


Yep. It ate my head.

So the de-nippled head-eating hatboob is going to be frogged, again, and the pattern tweaked, again, and I am really glad that this thing only takes a day to knit. And I know how to fix it. And this’ll be okay. So. That’s the hatboob status. I really like saying “hatboob”. Hatboob hatboob hatboob.

Facing less rosy times is the Secret Nerd Scarf.

See, I was browsing Ravelry today and spotted the Binary Cable Hat, the hat people have been making for Hat Attack, and guess what – it’s pretty much the same thing, conceptually, as what I was going to do. Well, it’s not exactly the same, but it’s similar enough that I’ve lost my zest for the scarf, and furthermore I don’t feel like having a bunch of knitters assume that I copied the idea and start accusing me. (There’s been a lot of that going around lately.)

I guess the good news is that now I have a couple of balls (heh heh) of Tweedy Silk to play with. And if I’d really wanted to make the scarf, surely I would have started by now. I hadn’t even bothered swatching.

I don’t have any plans for those two balls (heh heh) yet, but I have some other plans for new stuff. First, I have a lovely 250 yd skein of Colourmart heavy dk cashmere/silk which will become some sort of armwarmer type things that I will design myself.


Second – well, there was a sale at Lettuce Knit a few weeks ago, and I went despite not being able to spend very much money. See, I knew that if I didn’t go, it would taunt me. It wasn’t that I wanted something in particular, it was that I’d be bothered by what I might have missed. What if there was some gorgeous yarn for dirt cheap and I didn’t get it because I didn’t go? What then?

Well, there wasn’t. There was plenty of gorgeous yarn that I totally couldn’t afford even at 30% off (Handmaiden Swiss Mountain Cashmere Silk, I’m looking at you). There was plenty of yarn that, surprisingly, I didn’t want. There was plenty of yarn that I would have wanted, had it been there.

Lettuce Knit is a strange little shop, in that I both love it and hate it. It carries a whole bunch of beautiful yarn lines that I covet, except that most of the time, either it’s stuff I can’t afford or it’s not in stock. I thought I’d be able to snag some Dream in Color worsted at the sale, but all the colours I wanted were out of stock. Maybe some Fleece Artist Peter Rabbit? Nope, unless I wanted it in fuchsia or electric blue or radioactive-vomit-green. Handmaiden Mini Maiden? Nope, out of stock completely. Aaaaah! Carrots dangled just out of my reach!

There’s another thing, too. When I was browsing the sale, not once did anyone in the store greet me or ask if I needed help. That doesn’t actually bother me, because I like being left alone to browse, but – what I noticed, is that some of the people shopping were clearly regulars there. And were clearly being treated very differently. Which, I realize, is what happens in small shops. You get to know your regular customers, they become your friends, and thus you treat them that way. I can’t fault anybody for that.

I mean, nobody was rude to me. If I asked for help, I got it. And I certainly won’t stop shopping there. It’s just – you know, I will never visit the shop often enough to become a regular, because it’s not local for me. And so I will always feel a little bit out of place there, as soon as a regular comes in and is greeted heartily while I lurk invisibly in the corner. This may be why I feel more comfortable shopping at Romni – it’s so big that it’s never obvious whether the other customers are regulars, and furthermore it feels like it’s perfectly okay not to be one.

Anyway. I was determined to buy something, anything, just because I dragged my ass all the way down there, and I was also determined that it not be another “WTF do I do with this?” single skein. And that’s when I saw this:


Aha! I thought. That’s what I’ll buy! A sweater’s worth of that! Berroco Peruvia in Aquamarina. I could afford it, it was delicious and shiny and soft and fairly practical and TEAL, not red or black or coral – it was perfect.

Aaaaand there were only three skeins of it left. Needed at least five for a sweater, preferably six. So I optimistically bought the three skeins. No problem, I thought, I’ll just walk over to Romni and get a couple more, they carry Berroco stuff, maybe I’ll even luck out and get the same dyelot. Well. Not so much. I ended up pawing through their basket of Peruvia and then having this conversation:

Me: I’m looking for a colour of Berroco Peruvia that I don’t think you have.
Romni Guy: Uh-oh…


So I turned to the intarwebs. Guess what – there are very few shops with reasonable shipping to Canada that carry Peruvia. Who knew? The only ones I could dig up were Webs and Jimmy Beans Wool, so I fired off emails to them asking if they had my dyelot. Which they didn’t. Of course. (But props to both shops for good customer service – they both checked and got back to me the same day.) So I’d have to hold my nose and order, and hope to get a dyelot that wasn’t too far off. But I thought, what with shipping and all, I’d better wait until I wanted something else from one of those shops. While a little voice in my head whined, I want a sweater. I want a sweater now. Where’s my yarn? Buy more yarn! Buy it now! Now! Now!

(It occurs to me that I have mentioned voices in my head very often on this blog, and I should probably reassure readers that I am not clinically insane. As far as I know.)

And just when I had resigned myself to disappointing the little voice, up pops a blog update from The Yarn and Fiber Company saying they’ve decided to start carrying some Berroco yarns, including Peruvia. Did I mention that they ship free to Canada? SCORE!

So I ordered. Asked them to send my dyelot if they had it, but I wasn’t getting my hopes up. Opened up my package to see this:




But the rest of ’em were properly dyelot-labeled. Same dyelot? Nope. Visibly identical to my dyelot? Yup. Sweet.


So that’ll be a sweater. I have a sketch, but it’s a seeecret. (I don’t know why. I’m not submitting it for publication or anything. I guess I need a new seeecret now that the Nerd Scarf is dead.) In keeping with the current theme of my knitting, it will have a giant collar that may or may not eat my head. OM NOM NOM NOM.

(No, it will not have nipples. Pervert.)


  1. soknitpicky says:

    That yarn looks so lovely! Can’t wait to see what your plans are (heh heh)

  2. Alex says:

    That is some seriously gorgeous yarn. I would have bought it too. About the hat – what if you felt it a little. Would that make it fit better? Or have you frogged it already?

  3. chris says:

    LOL – you are so funny! I hear you on the yarn shop – nothing makes you feel more uncomfortable – and takes your concentration away from the YARN!

  4. jamie says:

    Nipples on sweaters… hmmm… interesting thought.

  5. Sheri says:

    That’s the way I feel about my local yarn shops too!

    Did you think about browsing Ravelry to see if anyone had the dyelot they were willing to trade/sell?

  6. Sarah R says:

    You could keep your head-eating hat and knit up you head-eating sweater and just disappear completely.

    I love, love, love the color of the Peruvia.

  7. amanda says:

    Yay for dyelots that look like they will match! Cant wait to see what you cook up for this lovely teal yarn.

  8. marianne says:

    Yay on that Peruvia scoring!!!
    …..sigh… I wonder..re:lys… if they even realize what they’re doing….. there’s a lys (one of 3, mind you) and although I love it, it took them a loooong time to get used to me… there’s one woman, Lucy, who is wonderful to everyone coming through the door, but she only works friday mornings…
    The main fave lys in town is just too perky and bubbly for my tastes…. and they may be friendly but they’re also great at handing out the weird expressions…..

  9. Floderten says:

    Ooh that’s purty! I love teal. LOVE TEAL!! And I’ve been dying to try out that yarn for ages… Originally for the Tilted Duster, but now that’s just kind of blah to me.

    Let us know how it knits up – I’m particularly interested in bounce! After knitting the boy’s scarf in 100% hairy, shedding, inelastic alpaca and I swore to never, ever do it again. And now I want the Peruvia soooo bad…

    Shame, you enabler.

  10. becca says:

    And that’s why I don’t block anything that fits pre-blocking. Which reminds me, I need to block my hottie skirt.
    That yarn is yum.
    Oh! and I have three skiens of alpaca/merino left over from said hottie skirt! Because I always have so much lefotvers despite the fact that I calculate yardage! I was thinking I was only gonna have one left, so I planned for this cute tam-hat I found on ravelry, but now I have three… what can I do that is fun with 330y of worsted alpaca/merino?

  11. MonkeyGurrl says:

    Hmmm. I think the difference between Exh. A and Exh. B is your hairstyle. Seriously. Being of the naturally curly hair variety, whether it is up or down can make all the difference.

    And re: yarn stores, we have one nearby that is just as you described. The owner was more interested in pursuing her contacts in The Industry (I live in LA) than customers. The shop has since changed ownership, and I am told the new owner is *WONDERFUL*, but I still have such a sour taste from previous experiences that I am still reluctant to give them my $$.

  12. knittyvritti says:

    so relieved to find your site. the knitting gods have been frowning on me (never knit anything that no one on ravelry has knit!!!!!), and i appreciate your sense of humor about your own knitting nipple nadir.let’s hope the new yarn signals a new era of knitting that does what it’s supposed to.

  13. Jamie says:

    Can I read your novels? Please Please Please? Your blog is the only cuss-infested site I read happily with my ten year old daughter because the message is so valuable. I mean, funny, when I say valuable. I want your aquamarina, too.

  14. thegirl says:

    you *are* funny! de-nippling the hatboob and the following pictures had me laughing enough to garner some unwanted attention from others in the staff room. i found you via springplum’s page.