Lelah is eating my soul.

It looks so cute and innocent, doesn’t it? You would never guess that it EATS SOULS.

I don’t get it. It’s a lovely pattern, and it’s an easy pattern, just some simple lace and then some simple eyelets and then some simple stockinette. Only I could find a way to fuck it up.

Here’s what I did – I picked a different yarn. With a different gauge. And then did the math to figure out how to alter the pattern. And I did the math correctly, even. (Yeah, I know you were thinking it.) It seems that doing all that is the equivalent of putting my soul on a nice serving platter with a selection of condiments.

I started knitting. It was too big. I mean TOO BIG. I wish I had taken a picture. If I stretched it out a little it looked like I had a hula hoop around my waist. So I frogged, and took out a whoooole lot of stitches, pattern and gauge be damned, and started over, and created a tiny thing that looked like it would fit an eight-year-old, and then tried it on, and IT FIT.

I am not the size of an eight-year-old, so I can only assume that this Lelah does not obey the laws of nature. Given the gauge debacle, it definitely doesn’t obey the laws of mathematics.

Anyway, I happily knitted on, and got to the stockinette part, and thought, nuh-uh, no way is this fitting over my boobs without stretching and going see-through. We don’t want any wardrobe malfunctions, so I increased some stitches. Knit knit knit, and tried it on, and it was (say it with me now)…

TOO BIG. Again.

Of course I didn’t have a lifeline, so I had to do the thing where you try to put the stitches on your needle before ripping, and I messed it all up, and picked up some stitches from the wrong row, and then had to fix that big mess, and I will not elaborate further because I’ve already said fuck once in this post and I don’t need to say it twenty-seven more times.

Re-knit without the increases, and it is just about time to try it on again but I’m kind of afraid to. WHAT NOW? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME NOW, YOU ACCURSED TUBE TOP OF SATAN?

I still think the pattern is just darling. And the finished object probably will be too, if it ever actually gets finished.

14 May 2007  ·   Tags: Lelah, My Knitting Hates Me