half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog
half-assed knit blog

FO: Nom Nom Nom Cowl

We are sad to report that your always reliable blogger has been felled by a terrible misfortune.

Yes, that’s right, it’s as you’ve feared, HER HEAD HAS BEEN DEVOURED BY A COWL.


… yeah, okay, I’m full of shit, as always. But the good news is, I actually finished something. According to this blog, the last time I finished something was January of 2008. That can’t possibly be right, but I’m not going to try to dig up the date of the last time I really finished something, and then have it turn out to be February of 2008. There are some things that I’d rather not know.

Pattern: Nom Nom Nom Cowl
Yarn: Diamond Luxury Collection Mulberry & Merino in some colour that I’m too lazy to look up but it’s the only pinky corally colour it comes in, 2 skeins
Needles: US 7

So. I had this yarn, right? This merino/silk yumminess that I picked up at Romni’s boxing day sale and tried to enable the ladies in line next to me into buying some too. I think it almost worked. I was originally going to call the pattern “Enabler’s Cowl” for that reason, but once “Nom Nom Nom” got into my head it wouldn’t leave. Not unlike a brain parasite. But. I got the yarn, I knew it had to be a cowl, I scoured cowl patterns on Ravelry and nothing was right.

It couldn’t be too complex, because the yarn was single ply and fuzzy and would eat any fiddly lace or cable patterns.

It couldn’t be too simple, because that would be the sort of pattern I should save for variegated yarn, even though I swore that I won’t buy variegated yarn anymore, because it always looks like gorgeousness in the skein and then clown vomit when it’s knitted up and then you’re all, OH GOD WHY DID I BUY THIS NEVER AGAIN, and then three days later you see something else that looks like gorgeousness in the skein, and surely bright red and pea green and squirrel poop brown will look lovely when knitted together WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.

So I found a nice simple cable pattern (from here), and painstakingly charted out a way to make the cowl increase in size from top to bottom without interrupting the cable pattern and OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW HOW THIS ENDED because there ain’t no cables in the pictured cowl, but I’ll tell you anyway: I started knitting it and it looked like ass.

Shocking, right?

I went back to the usual obsessive Ravelry searching which of course was useless because I did it already, but then I stumbled on a knitted top that was just plain old garter with some vertical ridges. And it was knit up in some sort of shiny yarn that was not unlike my shiny yarn and what the hell, why not.


It’s mind numbingly boring.

It’s simple enough that a blind drunken monkey could replicate it.

And it’s exactly what I wanted out of this yarn.

So the moral of this story is that trying is the first step to failure. And that taking the easy way out is the path to success. I’m sure this lesson will serve you well in your everyday endeavours. And for the benefit of anyone who does not have a blind drunken monkey on hand to replicate the pattern, I’ve even written it up. Now you don’t have to try at all!

P.S. I’d apologize for having neglected my blog for so long, and for the coming influx of long-finished FO posts that will probably pop up over the next little while, but my head was devoured by a cowl, people! It’s all very traumatic.

P.P.S. I’d be a bad KAL-whore if I failed to mention this: the next round of Obscuriosity is starting soon. Nominations are open for two more days, and voting for another week after that. You know you want to come pet the pretty obscure patterns…


  1. Riin says:

    Huh. You know, it never occurred to me until reading this that I have no idea what shade of brown squirrel poop is.

  2. Tracy J. says:

    Lovely cowl, lovely yarn, lovely description of what happens to variegated yarns in an actual project. I’ve been looking for a way to verbalize it and nothing could be more apt than “clown vomit.” Thanks!

  3. Sarah R says:

    Riin asks what color squirrel poop is? Why, nut brown, of course.

    Love the cowl, but love even more that you’ve finally posted! Keep it up!

  4. Aunt Kathy says:

    You know it’s gonna be a good day when you blog.

  5. Hilary says:

    I second what Tracy J. said up there — clown vomit is the perfect descriptor for what variegated yarns do when knitted up! Ugh, so frustrating. But I love your cowl — sometimes some simple garter stitch is just what the doctor ordered.

  6. CanarySanctuary says:

    HA! Clown vomit – lovely descriptor. I entirely agree with it too. The plight of us who know better (read: should have known better, yet are still consistently tempted to by the clown-vomit-to-be yarn, disguised at the moment as loveliness).

    Kickass cowl, btw!

  7. Lindsey says:

    God I love you and want to do you right now.

  8. Beverly says:

    As much as I love lacy and cabled patterns, I’m also really drawn to simple stitch patterns. The bummer is that they’re so boring to work. Guess it’s worth it when the results are as cool as that cowl.

  9. MonkeyGurl says:

    YOU’RE BACK!!!!! YAY!!!

    Oh, man. I thought it was just me and the variegated yarns. *SO* many people love them, gush about them, knit exclusively with them, and I *hate* ’em. And they tempt me every friggin time. Even the cheapo baby bernat type come in colors that are sooooooo pretty, I think, well, mebbe just for a baby sweater, but then, what parent would subject their newborn pride and joy to look like a mottled blob of BLECH?!

    Sigh. Like minds.

  10. Innerpeace1081 says:

    This is the first time I have come across your blog. I just had to say, your description of variegated yarn is very apt. Thanks for the laughs.

  11. Emily says:

    I’m confused by your instructions. The photo indicated that following rows 1-2 for 18 rows will complete the columns.’

    However then comes row 19-row 20, Do you repeat rows 19 & 20 8 more times or do you complete Row 19 & 20 then repeat rows 1 & 2 8 times?